For amusement, the ancient Romans watched gladiators wrestle with lions until the death of one made a victor of the other. Armed with a sword, a gladiator often sought ways to make the battle as bloody as possible for maximum entertainment value. However, the results were not always in the gladiator's favor, which probably evoked much fear. Likewise, when I walked into that college classroom for the first time as a teacher, I totally related to the gladiator's fear, as I realized I, too, was entering into a similar arena where skill and strength were pushed to their limits.
In some cases, gladiators were given a choice of armor and weapons appropriate for the task. If words can be a sword, as stated in chapter six of Ephesians of the New Testament, then certainly I had my weapon of choice. However, my mission was a little different than the ancient gladiator: I was not fighting lions to the death, but trying to instill in a group of college freshman their own sense of power in mastering the written word.
On the first day of class, I was as nervous as one of those Roman gladiators. I feared wrestling with apathetic writers; I feared the students would sense my feelings of inadequacy just as lions smell the fear of their prey. Despite the fear, however, I was anxious to enter that arena.
With syllabus in hand, I paused outside the door of my English composition class; all was quiet within the room. I almost had rather them been shouting to one another in Greek and up dancing to their ipods in true Dionysian form -- that way I could slip in unnoticed. The silence indicated to me that all eyes were watching for me, as they waited to get the first glimpse of their dreaded composition teacher. As I remembered the way I had once dreaded the first sight of my composition teacher, I felt as conspicuous as a centaur and as threatening as a giant Cyclops.
Torture -- the students were expecting mild to extreme torture in the form of writing, lots of writing that would be returned dripping with red ink. With that thought, I inhaled deeply to summon enough bravado to the surface and entered the arena with all the forced courage of a gladiator. I was determined to win this crowd over, even as I wrestled with those classroom challenges that would present themselves to me.
Head high and shoulders back, I walked into the classroom. However, when I looked at the class and actually examined each individual, my knees wobbled as my confidence waned. The majority of the class was so young that their youth made me feel the burden of my responsibility. THIS is where it is all learned, I thought, as I reflected upon my own undergraduate experience that was lacking in some areas, but served as the starting point of my learning curve. As I looked at each individual, my eyes met those of a young woman who looked as scared as I felt: her eyes were as wide open as her lids would stretch; her mouth, though slightly opened, curved down so that she looked much like a pensive fish intent on swimming away from a great white shark. I smiled. She did not.
I felt somewhat confident that I was prepared to teach this course. I had read George Hillocks Teaching Writing as a Reflective Practice and James Williams' Preparing to Teach Writing: Research, Theory, and Practice. The books, however, proved to be a false sense of security. I quickly learned that workshops bring about their own challenges that require a skilled instructor to make the workshops effective. I realized quickly that coaching was not taming those classroom "lions" (apathy, lack of skill, etc...) as I had hoped. Glazed eyes and blatant text messaging could not have shamed me more than booing shamed a gladiator in the arena. I needed a new approach, a new game plan, if I wanted to reach these students and help them develop their writing enough to withstand four years of college.
It's been eight years since that first experience. I have since learned a few "show tricks" that engage my students in the course materials, and I will share those experiences and lesson plans.
Here are some materials that may help get rid of those first year jitters:
Tips for first-time college teachers
Most Excellent Tips for Teachers
Teaching First Year College Students
Check out this journal at your campus library
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